The stages of grief when your pet dies

Grief is an almost inevitable consequence of pet loss. Loving an animal is good for people and it is normal for you to experience intense sadness when your pet dies.

Grief is the price we pay for love. I find the owners who suffer the most in the long term are those that try to remain strong or composed or those who stay busy after the death of their pet. They actually prolong the grieving process. Grieving takes at least one full year after a significant loss. The ultimate goal is growth from bereavement. The outcome is ideally more than just an acceptance of the loss, but an enhancement of such qualities as openness, empathy, wisdom, strength and finally joy.

There are definite phases of grieving and these are normal and healthy. Grief often begins with anticipated loss especially where your pet has had a long-term illness and euthanasia is inevitable. This is where you start the process of saying goodbye and you may start the process by feeling slightly detached.

Immediately after the death of your pet, you may often feel shock or denial - even if you knew it was about to happen. This is a normal process. The middle phases of grief involve emotional pain and suffering. You may find yourself having feelings of intense anger towards yourself, your vet or even your family. This too is normal and it should progress quite rapidly to the last phase of grief which is the recovery and final acceptance of the death of your pet.

There is often no clear beginning or clear end to the process. Each person grieves differently and you may find that you get stuck in one of the phases and skip others.

In your family, you may find that if there are differences in the way that each family member expresses their grief. It can occasionally lead to problems as it may be seen as a lack of understanding.

If an expression of grief is restricted, a true recovery is prolonged. If grief is freely expressed, healing time is greatly reduced.

Return to articles on death of your pet